The Orion Online

Issue date: 10/10/07 Section: Opinion

Media Credit: Illustration by Brandon Redenius [Click to enlarge]

Lindsay Casale, opinion columnist [Click to enlarge]

We've all been on one of those dates where the only thing you look forward to is the end.

And it's probably happened more than once.

Repeatedly dating the wrong people can leave you feeling discouraged. But there's a way to date that can help you see when someone isn't right for you - look for the early signs.

One of my worst first dates was with a guy who couldn't stop talking about himself. During dinner, he told me how great he was, and all of the questions he asked me eventually circled back to him. Then we went to a movie, and although it was funny, it was awkward to sit through the intense love scenes with a guy I barely knew.

After the movie, he decided to drive me home the long way, which converted a quick 10-minute drive into an excruciating 30-minute detour. During the drive, he started talking about all of the things we were going to do together. Obviously this date was going better for him and his ego than it was for me.

Before he dropped me off, he asked me if I wanted to go back to his place. When I said no, he demanded to know why I couldn't "hang out." Yeah right, I'm not that naive.

When we finally got to my house, he walked me to my door. After giving me a long hug good night, he wouldn't let me pull away.

After he made sure I wasn't going to get out of his death grip, he forcefully gave me the most unpleasant kiss of my life. But the worst part about this date was it didn't end there.

When dating someone new, we tend to allow people to make a few mistakes, so we don't let ourselves see what we're really getting into. I thought this guy was forward because he was much older than me, so I continued talking to him. But his forwardness extended to daily text messages and phone calls, which didn't help his case.

After a few weeks of getting to know him, I tried to make a clean break. But he wasn't going anywhere. It got to the point where I was so fed up with him that I flat out asked, "What do you want from me?"

He finally backed off after that.

Jerry Maneker, a sociology professor, thinks there are several reasons we keep dating the wrong people, including the need to belong.

"Some people feel that unless they have a partner, they don't fit in," Maneker said. "They go along with the crowd because they'd rather submit to the pressure than be alone."

But peer pressure aside, there's another reason we date the wrong people.

When dating someone new, women expect free meals. Men essentially expect sex. But sometimes there's a chance the relationship could eventually be love, so we secretly go into a date hoping for that, too. Even if we're dating someone who's wrong for us, we'll still give him or her a chance. But I don't see why you should continue dating someone once you realize that person is not right for you.

If you start dating someone you're not sure about, keep the dates short so there's no pressure. Learn all you can about someone as soon as possible, so you can decide where you want the relationship to go before things get too serious and you end up trapped in an awkward embrace on your front doorstep.

Lindsay Casale can be reached at lcasale@theorion.com

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