The Orion Online

Issue date: 11/28/07 Section: Features

Kourtney Jason, sex columnist [Click to enlarge]

Orgasm for one, please.

Because do women really need partners to figure out what feels good? No, we don't. And when we take the time to explore our bodies, it gives more benefits than just a few moments of absolute bliss and mind-numbing exhilaration.

"When you explore your body, you are more able to communicate what you like," said Nandi Crosby, a sociology professor. "It's like, you know, you explore your body and bam."

And sometimes, you just have to take care of your own business when you're ridiculously horny. When you are aroused, a one-person venture down south is a much better decision than calling a jerk ex with whom the sex is great, Crosby said.

"It's a benefit to do it myself and not call anybody and risk feeling like shit the next day," she said.

Self-pleasure is just one more aspect of sexuality that is portrayed differently for men and women. Female masturbation is talked about just as much as male masturbation but with different terms, Crosby said.

Men's terms for the action are more aggressive. When women masturbate, it's seen as erotic, sexy and partners want to watch.

Some women are more closed about it than men, said senior Armando Maldonado.

"You don't hear women talk about it as explicitly as guys," Maldonado said.

This could be blamed on society's gender scripts for men and women.

"Society has something to do with our views on everything, including how women and men are depicted in the media," senior Ashley Neves said. "It's seen in all the teen movies with guys and their frustrations, and it's comical. But you never see women portrayed with having sexual frustrations."

Men might not be able to get sex as freely as women, so masturbation is seen as an alternative to not getting any.

"If you don't have a woman, at least your hands are company," Maldonado said. "It may not be the same, but at least it's company."

Oh, the comfort of Miss Palm and her five sisters, right?

It could also be an age issue though, Crosby said. A 65-year-old woman masturbating gives the thought of "OK, that's cool, but I really didn't need to know that." A 10-year-old girl masturbating makes people think "She's doing what?" At 20, it's "Oh, yeah!" and at 30, it's a woman's sexual peak.

"Masturbation takes on very different politics, different messages attached at points in life," she said.

After a while, women become more comfortable exploring their bodies. And this exploration doesn't always have to have a destination of orgasm.

Crosby recommends women explore their bodies in an "intellectual" way.

"Explore your body in nonsexual ways. You may touch your breast to know what it feels like. You may touch your clitoris to know what stimulates it," she said. "When you do X, Y and Z you'll find certain things happen."

Women shouldn't be afraid to talk to their female friends about jilling off either because it becomes empowering to have these discussions. You'll learn which friends use vibrators, which use dildos and it may give you new ideas and moves to try on yourself.

There's no reason to be master of your domain unless you have a bet going with your friends. But in reality, there's nothing wrong with losing this contest and conquering the quest of your own body.

Kourtney Jason can be reached at sexcolumnist@theorion.com.

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• Kourtney's columns appear each Wednesday in the Features section.
  
• You can also read her blog any time at http://orionsex.blogspot.com

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