The Orion Online

Issue date: 9/3/08 Section: Features

[Click to enlarge]

Click here to see Chris Thompson's counter point

After taste testing a variety of skeet snacks, a consensus on whether to spit or swallow is far from being reached.

I have friends who slop up the Cream-O-Cum, some who cringe and deal with it and others who avoid it like the plague. One friend said, "That shit's done its damage. Once it's in your mouth, show your love and swallow!"

Well, that's not my motto.

A mouthful of slimy spunk is the last refreshment I want replenishing me after a long, hard workout. Plus, purging the man juice reduces the chance of waking up with a throat full of gonorrhea.

Yep, that's right. Guzzling down dong water puts you at risk for contracting the Human Papillomavirus, herpes type 1 and 2, Chlamydia and gonorrhea of the throat and HIV, according to www.teenhealthfx.com.

Plus, spitting shows whoever you're sucking off that even though you're on your knees, you still have the upper hand.

Oh, and Chris's best friend - I hate to tell you this, but your ex lied to you. Cum tastes awful. Sure, there's a range of funk from not-too-bad to putrid, but yummy? Not a chance.

Salty-and-mucus-like seems to be the most common flavor of man chowder, and if that's all we had to work with, there wouldn't be an issue.

But the occasional rotten-beer-moldy-cheese taste not only results in a projectile loogie, but usually sends chunks flying, too.

Like Chris said, diet plays a big role in determining flavor of the day.

So, men if you want to encourage your boo to choke down your boner brew, think before ordering off the discount menu at The Bear.

Chances are if what you eat makes your breath reek, it will lead to some putrid population paste.

Once traumatized by spoiled man milk, many may steer clear from the finale altogether. So, if lappin' up the nut nectar just isn't happenin' there are a few other splooge spots to try:

Option 1:

Their hand or stomach. You're doing all the work-jackin' the beanstalk and slobbin' the nob while battling lock jaw and trying to keep the gag reflex in check- it wouldn't kill your man to pull out and release his load elsewhere.

Option 2:

For a more "pornographic finish" have him cum on your face. But this may seem a bit degrading, so never partake if you feel uncomfortable.

Option 3:

Suck it up, tuck your lips and hold back the swimmers and dispense in the nearest trash can, sink or plastic cup.

If he complains because swallowing is not for you, pull a Samantha from "Sex and the City"-the day he tastes and swallows his own jizz, then so will you.

Dionna Mash can be reached at
dmash@theorion.com

Page 1 of 1

Article Tools